


Love, done properly

by wheatfields



Series: loving you's like coming home [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Captain Atsumu, Confessions, During Canon, Fluff, Kita Shinsuke POV, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Open Ending-ish?, Post 2013 Nationals, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28796970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheatfields/pseuds/wheatfields
Summary: Kita is only human — romantic love crosses his mind, too. But this sort of love, he has yet to attempt himself. Not for lack of courage or affection, but because this is in line with another belief that he holds as his truth:Love, done properly, is difficult.A few weeks after the 2013 Spring Interhigh Nationals, Kita meets with Atsumu to discuss the future of the Inarizaki volleyball team.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Series: loving you's like coming home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162883
Comments: 26
Kudos: 102
Collections: Atsukita Week, Kita Ship Week 2021, Rice Quartet Week 2021





	Love, done properly

**Author's Note:**

> my first Haikyuu!! fic for a ship! written for Kita Ship Week 2021 day 1: confessions + mutual pining. here's a link to the [fic graphic](https://twitter.com/kitsumushoyo/status/1350820283028971520)!
> 
> atsukita is my #1 comfort ship and i love writing them (i plan to write a lot more!), so i hope you like reading this 💛
> 
> also, special thanks to [kitashinchwan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitashinchwan) for the support since day 0 and [dindi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dindi) for the incredible beta work!!! i love you and this would not exist without either of you!

It is a common misconception that Kita Shinsuke does not think about love.

Plainly speaking, it is hard not to think about it when so much of it surrounds him. Love presents itself most strongly to him in the form of family; both the one he was raised in and the one that he found — from a grandmother who has taught him everything he knows, to a team that swears to make him proud until he is a grandparent himself.

Perhaps it is expected that he thinks about filial and platonic love, but Kita is only human. Romantic love crosses his mind, too.

He has been on the receiving end of one-sided attempts at romance; confessions from classmates and underclassmen alike that, despite not knowing him very well, profess some sort of affection or desire to begin a relationship, or to at least get to know each other better. He respectfully declines these advances — _it's not as if knowing someone would lead to loving them, that isn't the ideal way to do things_ — but genuinely thanks his admirers for their sincerity and courage when they show it.

This sort of love, Kita has yet to attempt himself. Not for lack of sincerity or courage or affection, but because this is in line with another belief that he holds as his truth:

Love, done properly, is difficult.

* * *

Kita takes a sip of his barley tea, glancing at the door in front of him every so often. He had arranged a meeting with Atsumu at the cafe near the train station by Inarizaki, and arrived around 15 minutes before their agreed time.

Around 10 minutes have passed since he had first taken his seat by the window, and he figures he probably has around 10 more to spare until the setter shows up. As captain, though former now, he is rather familiar with his teammate's habits, and Atsumu —

Suddenly, he sees a blur of yellow-blond and hears the jangle of the chimes on the cafe door, followed by a breathless voice.

"Sorry… Kita-san… were ya — _gah_ — were ya waitin' long?" Atsumu pants. "I figured you'd be early so I tried to get here ahead of our meeting time too…" He trails off and notices the tea and jacket hanging on the extra seat. "But ya look like you've already settled in."

Kita is pleasantly surprised at Atsumu's timing, but instead notes the sakura blossoms in his hair; how the pink brings out the color in Atsumu's wind-burned cheeks, almost making him look gentle. Atsumu shakes his head, not unlike a dog, and the petals flutter onto the table like falling snowflakes. Kita grips his tea a little tighter to resist reaching to grab the one lingering on his kouhai's eyelash.

"It's fine, Atsumu. It was my choice to come early," he replies, his free hand motioning to the chair in front of him. "Thanks for meetin' me."

"Any time, Kita-san! Actually, what brought this about?" Atsumu sits down, shrugging off his windbreaker, and waits expectantly for whatever Kita has to say.

Kita moves his cup to the side, giving Atsumu his full attention. "As you know, I'll be graduating soon, along with the rest of the seniors. Since the season is done, and we're all focused on wrappin' up the school year, I've been talkin' at length with the coaches on the future of the team."

Atsumu has a slight look of confusion in his eyes, but nods for Kita to continue.

"There'll be a separate meeting involving the rest of the team, but I asked if I could be the one to talk to ya about this personally," Kita pauses to punctuate the moment, "captain to captain."

Apart from a soft gasp, Atsumu is quiet, but the emotion is apparent on his face. He closes his eyes and holds his head in his hands for a bit.

"Gimme a minute, I just — 'm not gonna cry in public," Atsumu claims, but Kita lets him, a fond smile forming on his own face. There is a warmth in his chest he knows has nothing to do with the tea.

Once he's collected himself, Atsumu softly murmurs, "Ah, Kita-san… I don't know what to say." Kita doesn't think he's ever heard him speak this gently. "Thank you."

Kita shakes his head. "There was really only one choice. But of course, that doesn't mean that ya don't have anything to work on before ya take on the role of captain."

"Ya mean, be more like you?" Atsumu asks sincerely.

"No," Kita replies with the same sincerity. "Like you. But better." _Because I know you can be better._

Atsumu nods in understanding. "I… I think I can do that. Thanks, Kita-san."

He acknowledges Atsumu's gratitude with a nod of his own, and they take turns speaking about expectations and responsibilities for the coming year, with Atsumu asking for advice and Kita taking note of his goals, wondering how the younger boy managed to mature so much in the time after their loss.

By the time their conversation approaches its close, the sun is already starting to set, bathing the room in a warm glow through the open windows.

"That's pretty much it, but if there's anything else ya need to know, ya know how to reach me."

Atsumu bows his head. "Thanks again for believin' in me, Kita-san." His smile is small, but it's the most genuine one Kita's seen off the court.

 _I always have,_ Kita wants to say. He chooses to match Atsumu's smile instead. Against the light, Atsumu looks golden.

"We should be headin' home soon," Kita suggests. "The sun's about to go down. Just because the season's over doesn't mean we should be careless about stayin' out late and catchin' colds." He gets up out of his chair, tucks it back into the table, and shrugs his jacket on.

Atsumu doesn't protest, and insists instead: "I'll walk ya to the station, Kita-san."

* * *

They walk in moderate silence, Atsumu making small talk and pointing out the things that catch his eye — dogs being walked, the color of the blossoms on that tree, how the sunset is reflecting onto Kita's hair. The former captain muses on the fact that this is the first time the two of them have walked together, without Osamu or Aran or anyone else from the team.

As they near the station, Kita notices Atsumu's footsteps falling behind. Kita stops walking and turns around to see the new captain standing in place, looking at the ground.

"Atsumu?"

The blond looks up and, instinctively, Kita wants to be somewhere else, to be out of the range of Atsumu's gaze. Because he recognizes that look: determined, but soft; conflicted, but resolved.

He's seen it on the setter's face too many times, in the few times they have been alone together.

Times of Atsumu staying after practice to help clean, approaching Kita in the supply room, thinking that the lack of lighting could somehow mask the faint color on his cheeks that had nothing to do with the day's training.

Those times, it had been easy enough for Kita to change the topic of their conversation (since Atsumu had always begun with some ice breaker), or find another clean up task to busy himself with, maybe calling out for another teammate a few meters away.

"Kita-san." His name, spoken with such reverence, and the softest of smiles.

There is no escaping this now.

His kouhai places his hand on the back of his neck. "I know I ain't exactly the most subtle person alive, but," Atsumu pauses to take an uneasy breath. "I like ya, Kita-san. Ever since that care package ya gave me when I was sick. Heck, maybe even before then — maybe it was the first time I saw ya cry, the day you were named captain. Because all I can remember in that moment was wishin' I were close enough with ya so it wouldn't be weird if I comforted ya. Gave ya a hug or held yer hand. At first I thought that was a normal thing to feel but Samu pointed out that I'd never said that about anyone else and that I was a dumbass for even thinkin' that was 'normal'…"

 _Well,_ Kita thinks, _it's never been like Atsumu to mince words._ He opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted.

"You don't have to say anything!" Atsumu asserts, his palms facing outward. "I don't expect anything from ya, Kita-san. I just wanted to tell ya how I felt. Because if I love ya this much then it's only right that ya know."

 _Ah. So Atsumu has learned how to do things properly, too,_ Kita realizes.

" _Love,_ Atsumu?" Kita asks, trying to ignore how heavy his chest feels.

The taller boy flushes red. "O-oh, I said 'like' at first, didn't I? Sorry." He rubs the back of his neck again. "But… yeah. I can't say I don't mean it. But again, I'm not expecting anything from ya. I know that it's hard enough to like me, let alone tolerate me off the court, everybody says so…" he trails off, a pinch in his brow.

"Hold on, Atsumu," Kita speaks up, but doesn't say more. He needs to think. He can understand what people mean by the setter being hard to like, but…

If Kita really thought about it, the work that Atsumu so tirelessly puts into volleyball is the same as the repetition, perseverance, and diligence Kita puts into caring for the team — where was the difficulty in loving this? And what exactly was hard about loving Atsumu, when Kita had been unintentionally doing it every day?

"Sorry to spring that on ya, Kita-san. I know graduation is just around the corner for ya and yer already busy with so much."

The realization alone is enough to bring Kita back down to earth.

A chill passes through the air. Kita shivers inside his scarf, though he's not entirely sure if it was because of the wind this time.

"The sun is almost down," Atsumu breaks the silence that Kita hasn't quite found the words to fill yet. "Let's get inside the station."

The new captain heads inside with Kita following. When they stop in front of the turnstiles, Atsumu looks as if he's about to say goodbye.

"Atsumu," Kita speaks instead. "I feel the same."

If someone's eyes could glitter, Atsumu's were suddenly _sparkling_.

"Ki—"

"But I'm sorry, I can't give you anything more than my feelings right now. Not when we're both still so young. Not when you still have your whole life ahead of you."

Atsumu's eyes still shine brightly, but the emotion behind them is different from moments ago. Kita feels his own eyes must look the same.

"Like I said before, Kita-san. I don't expect anything from ya. I just wanted you to know how I felt. Because it was the right thing to do." Atsumu smiles.

Kita smiles back and reaches out to grasp Atsumu's forearm, his fingers curling over tangibility, his chest burning with an ache both foreign and familiar. He squeezes once, looks Atsumu in the eyes, and says, "Thank you." _It is enough, for now, to love you like this._

Atsumu nods. Kita lets go, knowing that he understands.

Atsumu has hunger, has greed, yes.

But above all that, Atsumu is love.

And love can wait. It is patient, and it endures.

Perhaps the difficulty of love, done properly, is in resisting what can be so easily loved, recklessly in the follies of youth.

Love, after all, is even more beautiful when its fragile pieces have learned how to be complete. Kita has things he needs to work on, too, before he is ready to harvest the love that has so generously been given to him. Something like that needs the attention he has yet to learn how to give.

Kita walks past the turnstiles.

"I'll make ya proud, Kita-san!" Atsumu calls after him. "I promise."

"I know ya will, Atsumu," Kita replies, looking forward. _You already have._

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer in case it was unclear… that was NOT a rejection! atsukita slow burn endgame! in fact, if you're looking for something to fill the space after that open ending, please consider this poem i wrote as a peek into their future — _"[tadaima / okaeri](https://twitter.com/kitsumushoyo/status/1347210832636071936)"_ 🥰
> 
> also, i need to say i was _hugely_ inspired by this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke:
> 
>  _"It is also good to love: because love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn."_ – [Letters To A Young Poet - #7](https://www.carrothers.com/rilke7.htm)
> 
> there's a lot more in that letter that reminds me of Kita but that passage really hit home for me. and _yes_ , it actually _is_ listed as letter **#7** , i am not kidding. *cries in atsukita*
> 
> also, special thanks to my friend zerah for entertaining that "hard to love" brainrot i had months ago. look at what that turned into!!
> 
> if you liked what you read up there and want to see more, come say hi on my [hq twitter](https://twitter.com/kitsumushoyo)! always happy to talk about more atsukita! 🦊🌾


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